It’s OK

I went back and forth on writing this.  I purposely omitted it from the blog last week.  But it’s something that I think about and I feel like I’m hiding if I don’t write about it.

On Tuesday during orientation, as we stood there and listened to the principal tell Dawson’s story, I stood there crying.  And you know what I was thinking?  That I wished I was one of the other parents listening to the story.  Because then I could be the one thinking “That poor family.  I don’t know what I’d do if that was my child.  I’m so thankful it’s not us.”  It’s that last part that gets me – that small feeling of relief that it’s not you.

And I just want to say – it’s ok to feel that way.  I get it.  It’s a natural reaction.  Being thankful for what you have.  I’ve been there, too.  Because with the pity party that I’ve been having the last few days…weeks…months, I have also been reminded of what I DO have.  TWO boys.  Brothers.  Best friends.  A Dawson that is A Little Different.  And a Wesley that doesn’t bat an eye when he sees Dawson’s legs or back.  Because it’s ok.

I’ve heard it from so many people – that they can’t complain about things around us because we’ve had it worse.  Bad day at work.  Kiddos with a nasty cold.  A/C not working.  Newspaper thrown in the only puddle at the end of the driveway.  I don’t want to ever diminish what is going on in your life.  Because it DOES really suck when you go to grab the newspaper and it’s sopping wet.  Seriously.  I’ve been trying so hard not to say “You think you have it hard?  Try lugging your 35 pound kid to the bathroom 3 times an hour.”  That’s not fair to you.  So remember – it’s ok.

And my last “it’s ok.”  It involves something that I know feels like a taboo subject.  Feet.  Toes.  I just want you to know that I slip up, too.  The other night I was putting on Dawson’s derma fit.  “All right, time to put your foot through.”  Ugh.  Do you know what Dawson did?  He howled with laughter.  “Foot?  FOOT?  I don’t have any feet!!”  He thought I was silly for saying it.  And maybe that’s all it is – silly.  Because he’s HERE.

Today I dropped Wesley off at daycare, and then Dawson off at school and then went to Target.  Almost an hour and a half later, David received the following picture via text:

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The message?  “Happy Birthday to me!”

That trip to Target was the best shopping I have had in 4 months.  I wandered.  I looked at things 2 or 3 times, trying to decide if I wanted it.  But best of all – I DID NOT WORRY.  I knew exactly where all my boys were.  And I wasn’t worried about how they were doing or feeling.  Because I knew that Dawson was happy at school.  Wesley was happy at daycare.  And David…well, I’m sure he was happy enough at work.  (I know I would be!!!)

This is a week late, but thank you all for the birthday wishes.  I was pretty focused on other things that day, so it was nice to take the morning to myself this morning.  My greatest gift of the day was Dawson having a wonderful, fabulous time his first day of 4K.  My second greatest gift this year was the Wisconsin State Journal article running 3 days before my birthday so that it could list my age as 32 rather than 33! 

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10 thoughts on “It’s OK

  1. Beth – I just have to say that I have always loved your pure honesty. This post makes me appreciate even more how down-to-earth and real you truly are! It is what has made you so strong and such a great mom throughout this! You are definitely someone I could drink with sometime :). Hang in there!

  2. I love your blog! I love reading it every single day! Thank you for sharing your amazing family with us. And I hope you had a very, very happy birthday! You deserve it! <3

    Lots of ove,
    Natali

  3. You amaze me Beth — Happy belated birthday – you deserve a peaceful shopping trip and your boys are lucky to have you as there Mom and David as their dad ;) Lori K

  4. I lov your writingsYou realy have a sense of humor.I crab all day becsuse e I am by myself and the phone does not ring. When you write that you cry, I cry withh you. I do not not have it rough at 87. I feel selfish .I wish I could take away the pain that Dawson had. But children are remarkable beings. They bounce back and keep on going. He has wonderful parents always read your post

  5. Yay for you, hon. Hopefully soon enough, that “wet paper at the end of the driveway” will be your biggest complaint. In the mean time, take care of you, there’s only one of you. You have handsome sweet boys and they will be bonded forever through this. Dawson really is amazing; sometimes I think kids handle things so much better than we adults do. I would love to meet them someday. Bring them out to the farm, we have lots of critters for holding and snuggling and maybe even a tractor ride could be had!

  6. What a beautiful, honest blog. I read it several times thinking how much I admire you. You have touched the hearts of many with your honesty and love for your boys. Mary

  7. There is nothing but love and admiration in my heart, mind, and soul for you. Your beautiful entry is evident of healing the hurts in you. And pity party….NO! You have been fighting a battle to save your son. And yes, sweet Dawson, is a little different but he’s Dawson….he’s Awesome….and you are so right…you have both of your little boys. Much love. In my thoughts and prayers with lots of love.

  8. hey. this is ethans mom. i saw the part about lugging him to the bathroom and wanted to give some advice. itead of ruining ur back, why dont u get a few of those male urinal bottle things and stick them in various areas of the house. then u can grab one, have him pee, then empty in in the toilet and rinse it out. then u only have to take him to the toilet when he has to poop. we do this with ethan cuz, believe it or not, he weighs 65 pounds cuz hes so tall. and we have been doing it long enough that now he will just grab the urinal and do it himself, then let us know he peed so we can empty it. anyway, just a suggestion. ttyl. and thx for the emails.

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